Chapter 28
Sitting once more between the yearning statues, Agnes summed
up her life for Phillip as neatly as she could. She was born at Brookside three years after her sister, now dead. Her
mother and father were wonderful people who died in quick succession, leaving
her to manage the estate. She was a college graduate. She had seen Paris and London and Hamburg but traveled
little since assuming care of the family home. Her French was fluent, and she,
like all her family before her, was a Presbyterian. She hoped one day to visit
the Greek ruins and ride a gondola through Venice.
“Well,
that’s about all. I’m not as interesting as Aunt Vera or probably your mother,
I’m afraid.”
Phillip
leaned back and studied her narrowly in the light of the rising moon.
“I
suspect,” said Agnes, “that I have not satisfied your curiosity.”
“I’d like
to know what you love. Also what has disappointed you. Maybe even what you hope
for, beyond a gondola ride.”
Agnes
gathered her skirt absently into a loose fist. “A woman is not accustomed to sharing
intimate feelings with someone so early in their acquaintance,” she demurred.
“Was I
being intimate?” rejoined Phillip with a look of surprise. “I didn’t realize. I
just wanted to know something real about you, not a family tree.”
No man had
ever wanted to know this much about her. Although she was sitting, she felt
almost dizzy. She gripped the edge of the cool marble.
“Very well.
But you will need to ask questions. I can’t just ramble on about myself. You
might as well know that I’ve been accused of thinking in lists, so please don’t
criticize if my answers are spare.”
“Agreed.
Let’s begin with disappointments and get those out of the way. Of course I
don’t expect you to tell me anything you don’t want to,” he assured her.
Disappointments.
Where should she start? A cartoon popped into her mind, one she had seen years
ago in the newspaper. A little old man sat behind a desk with two books on it.
One slim volume was labeled Appointments. The other, a massive tome at
least five times as big, was titled Disappointments.
“All right.
I wish I were more like my mother. I am disappointed that I don’t have her
grace, her easy sophistication, her equanimity in the face of trouble. She made
life look easy, but I seem to churn over the smallest things.”
“I’m
certain that you have many qualities she found lacking in herself.”
“Oh, I
don’t think so. Yes, I have my strengths, but Mother was completely sufficient.
And sure of herself. But there’s more. I’m disappointed that I don’t get to
travel anymore as I did. Even if I managed to break away from my duties for a
few weeks, all my friends and relations seem to be busy with their own lives
and I would have to travel alone, which sounds dreadful. Sitting on the Champs
Elysée at a table for one—hardly worth the voyage.”
“These
things are difficult,” said Phillip, watching her. “To be a woman alone with
the responsibility you carry. How do you get through, if I may ask such a
question?”
Agnes
looked at him. “How do you get through? You are also alone.”
“I have no
responsibilities,” returned Phillip. “I should, but I somehow, even at my
advanced age, do not. You are different.”
“Well, I
don’t really know. Of course I pray, but that doesn’t always pull one all the
way along, does it?” She reflected a moment, then plunged ahead. “You may have
noticed that I do not take wine at dinner.”
“I assumed you were one of our temperate
sisters.”
“I used to take too much wine. The
warm comfort of a good red helped me through dark times, starting with my
sister’s death, really, until it brought me down altogether—leaving me with the
punishment of never enjoying a glass again.”
“Is such
strictness truly necessary?”
“I found
that for me there is no such thing as ‘just one glass.’”
“I
understand.”
“Do you?”
Phillip
leaned back and watched her a moment. “Yes. I imagine it’s rather like opium,
but people do not sit around the dinner table smoking opium, so it’s not so
hard to avoid as alcohol.”
“Are you
telling me that you have frequented opium dens?”
“No. But I
have tried it and know its allure. It was during the famine. Everything around
me was so terrible—there was no relief, almost nothing to lose. Someone gave me
a little and it quieted the pain beautifully. Until it wore off, of course.”
“Ah, that
is the hard part. All the pain is still there, waiting.”
“Yes, and
it frightened me. I knew I would not have the strength to resist the drug’s
sweet oblivion.”
They sat
silent for a while. Then Phillip asked, “What do you love?”
Agnes
thought for a moment. “I love Brookside. I
don’t know how I would live anywhere else. I love roses, especially the
complex, thorny ones. I love good, hot tea in the morning with cream and coffee
after dinner. I love the symphony and the opera, especially Bach and Verdi—that
huge, rising sound that goes straight to your heart. I love thunderstorms and
the wind at night. This list could get very long, you know.”
“Have you
been in love?”
“Of
course.”
“Did he
know you loved him?”
“Yes.”
“But he ran
away?”
“Something
like that. Yes, he did run away. For a long time it felt like he took the
better part of me with him. But we eventually heal, don’t we?”
“Most of
the time.”
“And you,
have you ever been in love?”
“Oh, yes.
That riotous affliction of the senses! It has taken hold of me more than once.”
“And yet?”
“Turned
down, I regret to admit. The ladies like me, but I don’t seem to be marrying
material. Father says I tend to be a bonfire where what’s wanted is only a good
lamp with an obedient wick.”
“I’m very
fond of bonfires. I like their intensity.”
“As long as
they are not in the parlor.”
“They need
the right setting, of course. And one needs to keep an eye on them.”
“They don’t
frighten you?”
“Not at
all.”
They were
looking directly at one another. Phillip put out a hand and traced Agnes’s
cheek with his fingertips. She felt his hand slide behind her head and saw his
face draw close, then his lips were upon hers, and she smelled him and felt him
and wanted to walk bodily into the roaring fire that was Phillip.
* * *
Stella had
been asleep for hours by the time Agnes tiptoed past her room. Undoing her
dress with some difficulty, Agnes hung it over a chair, pulled open the drapes,
and lay down to stare at the bewitching night. She listened to the frogs and
nocturnal insects and let the adrenaline course through her body. Did tonight
really happen? Over and over as she lay on the cool sheet she felt his hand on
the nape of her neck, his moustache so much softer than she had imagined
against her face, his lips pressing against hers, his hair between her fingers.
Two hours had slid away like minutes as they embraced, clinging to each other
and wishing that the world would slow its turning toward the waiting sun.
Periodically they pulled back to look at one another in wonder or gaze out at the
magical night landscape. Agnes wanted to seal the image in her mind: the
immense sky, the stars, the blue-black fields stretching away luxuriously, the
heavy scent of honeysuckle, the look of her hand in his. Shortly before dawn a
brief sleep overtook her, swirled with dreams in brilliant colors.
Chapter 29
Living with one’s father long after outgrowing the nursery
is seldom easy for a young man. And rare is that father who can co-exist
peacefully with the man he himself produced, especially one who has not found
his path in life. The father wants more for his son, he is anxious for him,
and—most difficult of all—he finds through such close association that his son
has become a man who views the world differently than he. Each generation that
tumbles out of the one before thinks itself a new breed, unbounded by the
limitations of its parents, destined to split the future in two with its own
hands and walk triumphantly through the middle.
And so it
was the most natural thing that Phillip should return from India to his father’s house knowing
that it would be a difficult season for both of them. Never has a son loved his
father more, nor a father his son. Nevertheless, Phillip intended to make his
stay at Fellcrest as short as possible, taking just as much time as necessary
to discern his next move. But he was tired. And he had not the smallest
fragment of an idea what he should do next or where he might go.
After the
exhilarating week at Brookside, the days in
his father’s house felt especially long. They were at the same time perfectly
pleasant and consistently nerve-wracking. The Duke brought him into his affairs
and tried to make him feel needed, but Phillip found it difficult to
concentrate on the political goings-on and business strategies of his father’s circle.
Just like when he was a boy, once he understood the principle and pattern of
the game, he was ready to play something else.
The Duke
introduced him to innumerable worthies in the best social spheres and did not
hesitate to ask that they consider his son for a part in their firms. A few,
out of deference to his father and a genuine wish to help the young man,
offered him positions of one sort or another, some of substance and others
merely titular; but Phillip had so far demurred.
One
brilliant July afternoon, riding home from Albany, father and son sat looking out at the
glowing countryside in silence. The Duke sat across from Phillip and studied
his face. The boy’s features were placid and not in keeping with one who should
be turning over in his mind the promising events of the day. The Duke adjusted
his cravat, glanced at his watch, and back at his son. Finally he spoke, his
words carrying an unmistakable edge.
“So, what
do you think? Can you see yourself working with Messrs. Hodge and Blest? They
are capital fellows, I assure you. Excellent reputation, solid firm. And they
have offered a most interesting position, you must admit.”
“I liked
them very much,” Phillip smiled. “Especially Mr. Blest. So affable. He
demonstrated the highest regard for my abilities when he couldn’t have the
faintest idea what I would do for his company.”
“He’s a
good judge of character, Joseph Blest. A house cannot succeed like theirs
unless they engage only the best people. You impressed him.”
Phillip
uttered a laugh. “I didn’t say ten words.”
“All the
better! ‘A prudent man keeps his knowledge to himself, but the heart of fools
blurts out folly.’* You did well, Phillip.”
Phillip
stared out the window at a farm sliding by. The stern white house, softening in
aspect beneath its gently peeling paint, sat just off the road, with a dirt
yard and a tumble of outbuildings beside it. Off in a green field two figures,
possibly the farmer and his son, walked slowly toward a weathered barn with
tools over their lean shoulders. A sparse herd of cows came into view, lying on
their knees in the shade of scant trees, moving their jaws lazily from side to
side and watching the road.
“So, what
do you think?” the Duke repeated.
“I think,”
sighed his son, “that it’s a fine position with the very best company a fellow
could hope to join, but I don’t know if I am the man for the job.”
“Why?”
exploded his father, waving his arms as far as the confines of the carriage
allowed. “Why do you doubt yourself? I don’t know what else I can do—”
“Nothing,
father. You have been heroic in trying to help me since I’ve been back. Your
associates have offered me more than I could possibly have expected, and I’m
very grateful to them and to you.”
“Then why
do you drag your heels this way? Why not say yes to something and get on with
your life?”
Why indeed.
Phillip could not explain why the prospect of working in a respectable office
with serious men of business backed by piles of ledgers and books on taxation
and exchange rates froze the blood in his veins. He needed to ply some trade
that took him outdoors or kept him on the move. He looked out at another farm,
much larger and tidier than the last. A half-grown crop of bright green corn
stretched across a vast field, and after that came alfalfa, then beets.
“What do
you think of agriculture?” he asked his father.
The Duke
hesitated. “What do you mean?”
“None of
our family, as far as I know, has ever dabbled in agriculture, have we?”
“Not that I
know of. Not our business. My uncle was a master with roses—even developed his
own hybrid. Did you know that? The Queen’s Veil. It was almost black, very
unusual, rather foreboding, but it made quite a sensation among the
horticulturalists.”
They rode a
mile in silence and Phillip began again. “Father, I’ve been thinking that I
might like to give farming a try. In a small way, of course, not hundreds of
acres. But it looks satisfying. It produces something real, you understand?”
He looked intently at his father,
who sat back with his hands on his knees and asked, “What do you know about farming?”
“Very
little, but I’ve been reading up on it and talking to our neighbors. From what
I’ve gathered, potatoes would be a good idea. We really don’t have enough of
them, they store well, and they don’t need as much water as corn, which can be
tricky. Alfalfa is very good, too.”
“Are you
making a proposal, son?”
“What would
you think, Father, if we bought a few acres and tried our hand? There’s a piece
for sale about 15 miles north of us, just under 100 acres. He’ll sell the whole
thing or halves. He’s an elderly man with no one to leave it to. His children
have all gone into the trades of one kind or another.”
“Is there
water?”
“Yes, two
fine brooks that he says run all year.”
“We don’t
know anything about farming, Phillip,” the Duke reminded him, as though
realizing it anew.
“Not now,”
admitted Phillip, leaning forward, “but by next year I could have studied a
great deal, and the old man was willing to show me. I visited the property two
weeks ago. I didn’t want to mention anything to you then, but I wish you had
seen it: The old man stood at the gate before I left and talked a good while.
He told me he had no one to teach everything he knows to. Everything that he
learned the hard way, it all goes with him. He looked destitute, although he
owns this marvelous piece of property. It was very sad.”
“So you
have been thinking this over for a while? Well, it’s not the worst idea you’ve
had.” The Duke thought for a few moments, recalling a proverb about he who
works his land will have abundant food, while one who chases fantasies lacks
judgment. He had surely seen his dear boy chase plenty of fantasies.
He looked at Phillip and saw an eagerness that had been
absent. “I suppose I could take it under consideration.” Father and son sat in
silence the rest of the way home, and the Duke watched the rolling, green
properties pass by as though he had just been given a new pair of eyes.
To be continued . . .
______
* Proverbs 12:23.